Monday, October 24, 2016

This Journey Called Marriage - Day 6

This Journey Called Marriage - Day 6

5 Steps To Take Toward Two Becoming One 


Yesterday I shared a story about how my husband and I had assumptions and expectations based on our family of origins that led us to approach vacationing in two different ways. This created a divide in our relationship. So we had to figure out a way for our family to vacation.

Your Turn! Choose an area where you feel you and your spouse have yet to become one and determine how you can work toward unity. 
Here’s how:
1. Determine an area in your relationship - such as holiday celebrations or handling money -  where you feel divided, but would like to feel united.
2. Set aside a time, with a time limit of about 1 ½ hours, to talk about the agreed upon topic. (This is a good opportunity to use the Dialoguing Tool.)
3. Talk about what each of your experiences has been:
  • ·       For example, let’s say you have very different spending habits and you’ve identified that this is an area where each of you have been impacted by the way your family of origin dealt with finances. You've discovered distinct differences in your approach as a result.
  • ·       What did you see/experience in your family regarding finances? Each of you should take a few minutes uninterrupted to talk about your experience.
  • ·       How are these approaches different? How are they the same? Discuss.
  • ·       What is most important to you regarding your finances? Is there a habit or tradition you’d like to keep that has been passed down by your family (a detailed budget, for example).

4. Talk about how you can “marry” both of your approaches.
  • ·       Where can you compromise?
  • ·       What needs to change?
  • ·       What would you like to keep from your family of origin and what would you like to change?
  • ·       Are there any non-negotiables? Can you agree to them?
  • ·       Now discuss how you can go forward as a couple, working on your finances in a way that is agreeable to both of you.

5. Still need more time to discuss? Set up another intentional time to talk more about your finances and be accountable to that meeting time.

There are lots of other similar opportunities to become one. In the case of my husband Chris and I there were definitely times when we wondered what we were doing together because our preferences were so very different. A few areas that Chris and I have worked through in our marriage include choosing how we as a family celebrate holidays, figuring out social balance, developing time and house/clutter management habits, and more. 

Sometimes, the working out of our differences is stressful, but in the end it’s always been worth it!<=Click to Tweet

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