31 Days of Writing - Day 2
Is Even This About Me?
I don’t really want to write today…but since I’ve made the commitment, I’m doing it.
Yesterday was a very very sad and shocking day.
My best friend’s husband died. He had cancer, but I just thought he would be here a lot longer. Things seemed to be going okay…and then very quickly he went downhill and now he’s passed on to a place we can’t even fathom. And I know it is a very good place. A place of peace, light, and the glory of God everywhere. Much more beautiful than we can imagine. I believe he has moved on and is at rest, but I know we will miss him. And I can’t imagine how much my friend will miss her beloved husband.
There are always lessons in the midst of well, everything.
As my friend and I said today, discussing how I would be leaving for a wedding after the memorial service, life goes on. It seems somehow it should stop, but it doesn’t. It goes on…
And so my lesson…
I got a message on Sunday morning from my sister just encouraging me to pick up some groceries and bring them over to my friend’s home. Of course, I had this in mind. But there was so much resistance.
Here’s how my thinking went…
Well I’d like to stop by, but this is such a personal time. I don’t want to intrude.
What could I bring? Eggs, juice, bread…some staples. What if she has no room in the fridge and it’s just a bother.
What if it’s just not the right time? I don’t want to put her in a position to have to send us off…I don’t want to impose.
Maybe we should bring over sandwiches. But I know she’s not really eating. Bringing over food could be something my friend doesn’t want to deal with right now.
Thankfully, I have a husband much like my sister who doesn’t over-think. He just goes ahead and takes the risk of getting it wrong – the wrong food, the wrong timing, the wrong choice. He doesn’t care. Or at least he cares more about doing the thing, than getting it right.
So I’m thinking this through today, because I pushed myself out of the discomfort of possibly making a mistake…and we did visit and bring a few things. There really isn’t any good timing when someone is passing from this life to the next. We stepped into the middle of a sacred hard painful time. And it was the right thing, because my friend needed us…and I believe even her husband who was dying, he knew we were there and that we loved him and that we loved his wife and would do what we could to ease her pain.
But I still wanted to know, what was behind my hesitancy. And I’ve come up with a few things.
1. Perfectionism – I am so intent on getting “it” right that I could miss doing the right thing altogether.
2. Vain Imaginings – I’m making up stories, filling in the blanks of unknowns with mere guesses.
3. Self-Consciousness – I’m tempted to play it safe, rather than feel silly or uncomfortable.
I’m sure I could come up with more…The bottom line is my thinking is ABOUT ME! And so regardless of my list or all the thinking behind my hesitation, my takeaway is in this case and I’m sure in very many others, I have to deny MYSELF. Because when our mind and heart is set on serving another, well we just have to get over ourselves.
I’ll leave you with this thought…
“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” Pierre Teilhard de Chardin