I am Hole-y, Hole-y, Hole-y…How About You?
“Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.” (Matthew 5:6)
I’m on a roll (yes, pun intended) with the issue of weight--losing it, gaining it, keeping it off, and persevering when I don’t feel like it. This is in part because I’ve reached a bit of a plateau, weakened a bit in my determination to lose more weight, and because I’m continuing the study Made to Crave (www.MadetoCrave.com), which I’m confident will help me push through this temporary block.
Up till a couple of months ago, the struggle seemed to be over, but here I am again. The battle has heated up. I’m no longer on automatic pilot; making good healthy choices almost without thinking about it. No, the lyrics of the old song ring in my head, “Should I stay (and eat), or should I go (away from the food) now?” I’ve had to make the decision more intentionally. I don’t like this. I liked it better when I was cruising along happily choosing lower carbs and less sugar.
So the other day, I was leaving my house, heading toward my car, and I asked, “Lord, what is it? Why am I struggling so with this weight thing again? What’s the problem?”
A vision flashed through my head. There was a field in front of me, almost like a prairie with a caked clay-like surface. Sprinkled across this space were holes…and I was stuffing food into them.
I realized immediately, I was filling my emptiness with food.
I had to press into this thought a little. “Lord, what emptiness?”
I have a full life…Lots to do, plenty of people who I love and who love me, work I enjoy, a roof over my head, etc., etc. So much to be thankful for. Yet, I was feeling empty.
Throughout the day, I kept seeking, kept asking. And I realized, I had to reckon with the transitional state I’m in. My third daughter has graduated from college, started her new job, moved away from home. My youngest is heading quickly toward senior year of high school. The other two have been on their own for a while. I am facing the “empty” nest. (My husband refuses to use this term, saying it’s terribly negative. I think it speaks volumes.)
I’m a little afraid of the unknown. I’ve been raising kids for almost 25 years. For the first time ever this year, I have been unable to plan a few summer days for the whole family to be together. It’s just not happening; schedules are not matching up. I’m a little sad, a little down, a little hole-y.
Change is in the air. And rather than peering into some of my holes for insight, I’ve been stuffing those holes with more food than I need…and foods that are empty of nutritional value.
Ah well, to quote another lyric, “You can run, but you cannot hide.”
At least now I know the source of my desire to stuff. And I know the One who can truly satisfy my hungry heart. So I’m turning to God for the spiritual food I need to welcome the new day that’s dawning. Because He says, “Be strong and courageous…”
What’s your story? Even the fullest of lives have a few holes. Any holes in your life that you’re trying to fill with food? Maybe food is not your issue…ever try to fill your emptiness with too much spending, procrastinating, drinking? Trying to satisfy a need only God can fill?